InnerWhispers
How to Support a Friend Who Is Struggling
You don’t need the perfect words to help someone who is going through a hard time. Here is how to listen, what to say, and when to get more help.
Key takeaways
- Listening without rushing to fix things is often the most helpful thing you can do.
- Asking directly about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head. It can be a relief.
- Look after yourself too, and encourage professional support when it is needed.
When someone you care about is struggling, it is natural to want to help, and to worry about saying the wrong thing. The truth is that you don't need perfect words. Being there, and listening, matters more than you might think.
Signs someone may be struggling
- Withdrawing from friends or activities they used to enjoy
- Changes in sleep, appetite or energy
- Seeming low, irritable, anxious or unusually quiet
- Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped or like a burden
- Drinking more, or taking more risks
How to start the conversation
Choose a quiet, private moment. Keep it simple and caring:
"I've noticed you've seemed a bit down lately. How are you really doing?"
If they don't want to talk yet, that's okay. Let them know the door is open.
How to listen well
- Give them your full attention. Put your phone away.
- Let them talk without interrupting or rushing to give advice.
- Reflect back what you hear: "It sounds like you've been carrying a lot."
- Avoid judging or minimising, for example "Others have it worse" or "Just think positive".
- Ask what would help, rather than assuming.
If you are worried about their safety
If you think someone may be thinking about suicide, ask them directly: "Are you thinking about ending your life?" Research shows that asking does not put the idea in their head. It often brings relief to be asked.
If they say yes, stay with them, take it seriously, and help them get support straight away. Call 112 in an emergency, or Tele-MANAS on 14416 (free, 24/7).
Encourage professional support
You can help them take the next step: offer to look up services together, or to sit with them while they book. Let them stay in control of the decision.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone can be tiring. It is okay to set limits, share the load with others they trust, and seek support for yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup.
Peer support
Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has been there. Our peer supporters are trained listeners.
About peer support
